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Is Your Fence Zombie Proof?

Fenced in deadWith the Mayan calendar ending, the international economy in shambles and earthquakes cracking open nuclear facilities, many people are beginning to wonder if the Zompocalypse (Zombie Apocalypse) could be right around the corner. Well, it could very well be – and if you’re familiar with zombie films, you appreciate that the best offense against zombies is a strong defense.

We recommend erecting strong Portland fencing materials to keep zombies out of your hair (and flesh). Here’s a list of characteristics zombie-proof fences must have in order to stand up to the undead.

Tall, solid, and hard to climb. The zombie transformation renders once-human flesh weak and quick to rot. When faced with a tall, long stretch of Portland fencing materials, zombies will try to climb over, but the weakness of their ex-flesh will leave them scrambling to get a grip. For this reason, solid style cedar fence materials can provide some protection against zombies.

Strong and difficult to knock down. Of course, if you live in a densely populated area, marauding mobs of zombies are a real possibility. Zombies aren’t too bright; they’re unlikely to think of finding tools to chop their way through a wood fence. However, in large groups zombies can overwhelm even the tallest cedar fence materials by sheer force. Working together, dozens of zombies could simply topple a wood fence. For that reason, we suggest adding a bit more strength to your zombie defense in the form of a chain link fence. Portland city ordinances may prohibit you from erecting a chain link fence right behind your cedar fence materials; however, you may be able to get a zombie variance by filling out the proper application.

At a far distance from your home. If you’re lucky enough to have a large piece of property, place your zombie-proof fence far away from your door. The stench of rotting bodies and the relentless cries of the frustrated undead will make you happy you did.

Finally, in addition to supplementing your cedar fence materials with a chain link fence, Portland zombie experts would recommend adding a moat with a drawbridge. This may seem a bit over the top, but because zombies are unable to swim, a moat is the final word in undead defense.

[ photo by: dospaz, on Flickr, via CC License ]

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